How to make yourself unhappily married: expect anything other than love. Say you expect to hear “I love you” or “You look great today.” Lots of husbands and wives say such things, but yours doesn’t. Does this mean you are not loved or not admired? Probably not. But if you believe it does, you are going to be unhappy. You may be married to one of the millions of...
Lots of married folks try in vain to get their spouse or life partner to eat better, exercise more, or take their meds. It would surely be wonderful if you succeeded, but what’s happening while you’re waiting for this to happen? Your spouse, unable to do what seems so logical and healthy to do, feels he or she is not just failing at something important but simultaneously letting you...
There is no religious theme to Assume Love. While many of you who read it regularly are Christians, many are also Muslims, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, agnostics, and atheists. We all need and value loving relationships. I seldom link to other marriage blogs, because so many base their advice on scripture. I feel bad about this, because many link often to Assume Love and because social and...
I was listening again today to bestselling author Barbara Sher talking about H levels. She advises everyone wondering what they were put on this earth for or what would make them happier to check them. When you see, hear, or taste something or picture yourself doing something, assign it an H level. On a scale from 1 (the lowest) to 10 (the highest), how happy does it make you? Pay attention to...
Many a marriage has unraveled over the issue of fairness. All we want is for our husbands and wives to do their fair share of the wage-earning, parenting, and chores, right? And it would be a mistake to overlook any shirking, no? No. I contend you cannot even measure your own share, no less your spouse’s. You cannot measure your own contributions because you do plenty that your wife or...
