CategoryHow to Find Third Alternatives

Winning and Losing Arguments


If you have always thought you’re winning when you get your way and losing when you don’t, you will need to change your perspective to enjoy being married. If you go along to get along when you disagree with your spouse, you know it puts a little extra distance between the two of you. It’s harder to feel close when you’ve just agreed to something you actually disagree with...

Nudity, Porn, Pigs, and Chicken Wings


I had an interesting chat with someone today that led me to think about all the moral differences couples encounter and how they handle them. If you’re in an arranged marriage, there is a good chance your relatives thoroughly checked out your spouse’s morals before you married. And maybe they even knew which ones truly mattered to you. If not, you probably fell in love before you even...

Patty Has Published Agreed: A Journal


Agreed: A Journal to Bring Joy to Any Marriage with Too Many Disagreements, the first of three Enjoy Being Married Journals, is now available on Amazon. If you are a regular reader of the Assume Love blog, you know my mantra for enjoying your marriage: Assume Love (when you’re upset) Expect Love (when you’re disappointed) Find Third Alternatives (when you disagree) This first journal...

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The #1 Most Important Step in Settling a Disagreement with Your Spouse


When you’re married to someone you love — or even someone you want to love again — there is only one way to handle a disagreement over anything important. That is to find a Third Alternative, one you both like enough to happily walk away from your initial great idea that didn’t fly well with your husband or wife. The first step in finding a Third Alternative is the most...

Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

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