CategoryHow to Find Third Alternatives

Nudity, Porn, Pigs, and Chicken Wings


I had an interesting chat with someone today that led me to think about all the moral differences couples encounter and how they handle them. If you’re in an arranged marriage, there is a good chance your relatives thoroughly checked out your spouse’s morals before you married. And maybe they even knew which ones truly mattered to you. If not, you probably fell in love before you even...

Patty Has Published Agreed: A Journal


Agreed: A Journal to Bring Joy to Any Marriage with Too Many Disagreements, the first of three Enjoy Being Married Journals, is now available on Amazon. If you are a regular reader of the Assume Love blog, you know my mantra for enjoying your marriage: Assume Love (when you’re upset) Expect Love (when you’re disappointed) Find Third Alternatives (when you disagree) This first journal...

The #1 Most Important Step in Settling a Disagreement with Your Spouse


When you’re married to someone you love — or even someone you want to love again — there is only one way to handle a disagreement over anything important. That is to find a Third Alternative, one you both like enough to happily walk away from your initial great idea that didn’t fly well with your husband or wife. The first step in finding a Third Alternative is the most...

Unfinished Remodeling Projects and Clutter


I received this question by email recently, and it’s got three very familiar elements in it: I am reasonably neat and organized. Not obsessive and definitely not a clean freak but I like my papers organized and my home relatively tidy. My husband is one of the messiest people I’ve ever met. With his encouragement, I’ve organized his desk but it’s back to where it was...

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Third Alternatives: Marriage vs Cohabitation


As I wrote yesterday, I recently received a comment from Lorraine K, who wrote: Found your blog about a week ago and I have really learned a lot. I am wondering about third alternatives for future relationships because my S.O. and I broke up over two issues that I now think may have been avoided if we had found Third Alternatives. The first issue was about a few of his rude friends. My boyfriend...

Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

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