Having an affair is so common that the vocabulary of most languages has a name for it. Even so, it usually induces rage or despondency when the other spouse learns of it, except in those rare consensually open or polyamorous marriages. But what do you do when that rage or despondency is yours? First, acknowledge this as a severe breach of trust and of your marriage vows or at least the default...
In my last blog post, I wrote about leaning in instead of withdrawing if you want to invite that utterly non-judgemental, altruistic, fabulous feeling of love for your spouse to keep visiting you. When your husband or wife behaves in a way you don’t expect a loving person to behave, the best thing you can try is to Assume Love. Assume Love does not mean surrender. It does not mean ignore...
It seems to be a natural human instinct to turn the Golden Rule on its head and do unto others what we really did not like them doing to us. He left you waiting in a restaurant for 20 minutes? Surely he will straighten up and fly right if you show up late for the next thing he schedules. She rejects your foreplay? Just show her who’s boss by refusing to kiss her, hug her, or hold hands with...
I received a comment recently on one of my older blog posts: Why should we assume love but not expect our husband to assume respect??? I knew immediately that I had done a bad job of writing that post. I do not recommend anyone Assume Love for the benefit of their spouse, only for their own benefit. When we Assume Love, we stop an unhelpful but instinctual response that’s happening in our...
I’ve been blogging for quite a while now, since Valentine’s Day of 2006. If you’re new to this blog, the Assume Love Archives must seem a bit overwhelming. So let me try to sum up the basics for you. First, I write about marriage and committed life partnerships, not about relationships in general. I write for people with a mutual and public commitment to love each other, an...
I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.
