I recently read two recently published books about marital abuse, especially emotional abuse, and I recommend both of them. Unlike the many written by psychologists and marriage therapists, these are both written by women who have suffered such abuse. I have previously met the authors of both books, although not while they were enduring the abuse. They are wise, strong women and excellent writers...
Having an affair is so common that the vocabulary of most languages has a name for it. Even so, it usually induces rage or despondency when the other spouse learns of it, except in those rare consensually open or polyamorous marriages. But what do you do when that rage or despondency is yours? First, acknowledge this as a severe breach of trust and of your marriage vows or at least the default...
I really want to bring to your attention Dr. Steven Stosny’s excellent blog post on when emotional abuse is more likely to become physical violence. He opens with this great definition. Emotional abuse is deliberately making partners afraid or feel bad about themselves. It’s usually instrumental, to punish or coerce partners into doing something the abusers want or not doing something...
The other day, someone mentioned checking a spouse’s phone, and my hair stood up. What a terrible idea. Let me share some reasons to avoid checking what’s on there unless your husband or wife invites you to do so. Reason 1: Nothing Good Can Possibly Come from This If you’re wondering whether your spouse is cheating on you, and you find no evidence of it on the phone, you know...
On this 12th anniversary of the blog, I want to address something a bit more serious than Valentine’s Day and whether our partners chose the right candy, flower, or bauble. As the news is making evident daily, a lot of people, especially women, have been seriously hurt by their spouses and life partners. Can someone love you and still hit, choke, shove, or threaten you? How can you tell if...
I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.
