CategoryAbuse & cheating

Emotional and Physical Abuse

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I really want to bring to your attention Dr. Steven Stosny’s excellent blog post on when emotional abuse is more likely to become physical violence. He opens with this great definition. Emotional abuse is deliberately making partners afraid or feel bad about themselves. It’s usually instrumental, to punish or coerce partners into doing something the abusers want or not doing something...

5 Reasons Not to Check Your Spouse’s Cellphone

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The other day, someone mentioned checking a spouse’s phone, and my hair stood up. What a terrible idea. Let me share some reasons to avoid checking what’s on there unless your husband or wife invites you to do so. Reason 1: Nothing Good Can Possibly Come from This If you’re wondering whether your spouse is cheating on you, and you find no evidence of it on the phone, you know...

Can Someone Love You and Still Hit, Choke, Shove, or Threaten You?

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On this 12th anniversary of the blog, I want to address something a bit more serious than Valentine’s Day and whether our partners chose the right candy, flower, or bauble. As the news is making evident daily, a lot of people, especially women, have been seriously hurt by their spouses and life partners. Can someone love you and still hit, choke, shove, or threaten you? How can you tell if...

The Problem with Affairs

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Let me set aside for the moment the obvious problem, that you promised yourself and your spouse, your family and friends, and perhaps even God you’d stay faithful. This seems to come up a lot more after the fall than while standing on the edge of the cliff contemplating letting an affair happen. No, the problem with affairs is that their temptation is so one dimensional. In a marriage, your...

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Think an Affair Can Improve Your Marriage?

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The folks at Your Tango recently claimed Sometimes Cheating Can Actually HELP Your Marriage. But they offered no data suggesting it ever has done so. Instead, they referred to a 2009 blog post by Michael J. Formica, M.S., M.A., Ed.M., a board certified counselor in Pennsylvania. With no data at all, Formica mused that a person might improve his or her marriage by recognizing he or she was in or...

Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

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