How the Good Things in Our Childhoods Mess Up Our Marriages


Jerome woke up every morning to his mother bringing him a glass of fresh-squeezed orange juice. He’d drink it down before getting out of bed and ready for the rest of his breakfast and the school bus. It was a nice, unhurried way to start the day. And it made a lasting memory: orange juice = love, especially when it’s delivered by the woman he loved most. Rebekkah woke up to an alarm...

The 2 Scariest Marriage Questions


We’re all affected by at least one of them, at least some of the time. Scary Question 1: Are you trying to change me? Scary Question 2: Are you thinking of leaving me? The first one may be asked instead as, “Do you no longer respect who I am? Do you no longer trust my choices, my goals, my values?” The second may be asked as, “Why have you stopped doing the romantic...

Setting Boundaries with Your Spouse


I was recently asked how to set personal boundaries in a marriage. What are boundaries? They are the acts we won’t tolerate from other people. “If you hit me even once, I will call the police and file a complaint.” “If you are more than 15 minutes late to meeting me, and you don’t let me know there is a problem, I won’t be there when you arrive.”...

How to Communicate with Your Spouse


Imagine you’re cooking a one-dish dinner for the family. You pick up the frying pan. Your wrist gives, and dinner slides out onto the floor. What do you want to hear from your spouse? “Let me help you with that, and then we can order a pizza, ok?” “I’m hungry! How long is it going to take to fix something else?” “Your klutziness will be the death of us...

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Mocking Your Spouse


Do you remember falling in love with this man or woman you’re married to? Do you remember standing taller, even floating on air, as another human being got to see behind your public facade and admired the real you? You were transported from ordinary person to desirable, exceptionally skilled, unusually talented, fascinating you. Do you remember, too, that amazing feeling of doing loving...

Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

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