For some people, taking care of a chore that matters to their spouse feels loving. It makes them feel warm and tingly and like a better person. Unless the opportunity to do it of their own free will is taken from them. Then it just feels like work. For other people, a chore is always a chore. If they’re feeling loving, they want to take the afternoon to do something fun with you. Or they...
Back before my first husband died and I finally caught on to my real part in our relationship, this was an area where I made lots of mistakes. And as I moved on and got to know lots of recently divorced or separated folks my age, I discovered I was far from alone in not seeing this issue very clearly. What Happens When You Don’t Ask for What You Want? If you don’t ask for what you...
Sloppy is not really a lifestyle anyone aspires to. It just happens, usually while we’re feeling down or while we’re totally engaged with the rest of life. Sloppy dressing, sloppy piles of unfinished business, sloppy storage of clothes and dishes awaiting washing can drive a more organized partner — or one more attuned to physical beauty — up the wall. If you are that...
One thing greatly discouraged me about my training as a marriage educator. Most of the exercises and techniques were for becoming a better spouse. I see the same thing in most books about marriage. When a person is unhappy with their marriage, becoming a better spouse is difficult and kind of risky. Will trying something new cause our partner to do anything that will make us any happier? This is...
Here are three ways to notice a little more of the respect your spouse or life partner holds for you: Listen to what he or she reports to you about other couples. Negative comments about the abilities or reliability of friends’ mates probably mean yours are more impressive to your mate. Look beyond the words. Sure, driving tips sound like your driving skills are not respected, but when...
