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Love is Patient and Kind

There is no religious theme to Assume Love. While many of you who read it regularly are Christians, many are also Muslims, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, agnostics, and atheists. We all need and value loving relationships.

I seldom link to other marriage blogs, because so many base their advice on scripture. I feel bad about this, because many link often to Assume Love and because social and experimental psychology have shown quite a bit of scripture from all religions to be right about the value of marriage and about what works.

So today, I am going to recommend you read Paul Byerly, The Generous Husband's piece on 1 Corinthians 13:4&5, a bit of scripture that appears in many Christian weddings. Paul's post is a great story, well told.

If only he could post just these words and wait for something to happen. And if only I could post these three lessons from the shocking end to my first marriage and wait for something to happen:

  • Assume Love

  • Expect Love

  • Find Third Alternatives

We would be saying the same things in our own ways.

  • Assume Love - be patient and kind, do not envy or boast of your own strengths, because your spouse probably did whatever he or she did to upset you with love and his or her own strengths, and you may just be looking at it the wrong way to see this.
  • Expect Love - do not be irritable or resentful because this is not what you expect if you expect anything other than love as your mate best shows it. Each expectation is a premeditated resentment, you making you unhappy despite the love in your life.
  • Find Third Alternatives - do not be arrogant or rude or insist on your own way. The world is full of other ways that could please both of you. Look for them, because happy together really beats happy by your lonesome.
Christian or not, you can find almost everything you need for a great marriage in just a few words.


Thanks Patty, you made my day and very well said on top of that.

Thanks, Jon Eric!

Patty - Thanks for the hat tip, it means a lot.

Love what you do, and will continue to point people your way because I think what you have to say can help them and their marriages - and that's what it's all about.

Thanks, Paul. And you are right, marriage matters so much. We all want to succeed at marriage and our families, communities, and nations benefit when we do.

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Patty Newbold is a widow who got it right the second time...

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