Assume Love

How to have a happier marriage without waiting for your spouse to change

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Gifts

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Best-selling self-help author Barbara Sher always said, “You cannot be modest about your gifts, because that’s arrogant. They aren’t yours. You didn’t think them up and work for them. They were there when you were born.” You can’t be proud or ashamed of being tall. It wasn’t you who did that. But when someone short needs helping reaching something, you...

Small Annoyances

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Small annoyances can become big marriage problems. What do I mean by small annoyances? Socks on the floor, cap off the toothpaste, water on the counter, putting a milk container with just one ounce of milk back in the refrigerator without buying more or putting it on the shopping list, leaving things on the passenger seat of the car, going missing while you’re shopping, getting out of bed...

Love Languages? Two Words

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Do you know your spouse’s main Love Language? If so, remember to use these two words often. Quality Time – “I’m available.” Keep time free in your year, your month, your week, and your day. Make sure it’s truly free: no phone calls, checking your phone, running errands, zoning out, nothing but whatever it is that the most important person in your life wants to...

When Marriage Feels So Unfair

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Until I was so suddenly widowed, I did not understand fairness in marriage. I was feeling in the months before his death that I was stuck with the lion’s share of the effort. It felt so unfair. It’s hard to enjoy being married with a feeling like that, and I imagined the cure was for him to assume more of the responsibility and effort. I was wrong. The day after his death, this became...

For marriage book reviews and books by Patty Newbold, the author of Assume Love, visit:
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When Should You Get Married?

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Personally, I think the best time to get married is when you’ve met another human being of good character and seen them in action in multiple situations where respect, caring, commitment, humility, fairness, patience, or playfulness are called for, and you really like what you have seen. That usually takes a year or more. Occasionally, in very trying times, it can happen more quickly. Love...

Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

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