Assume Love

How to have a happier marriage without waiting for your spouse to change

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My Wife Says She’s Leaving Me

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Women initiate more divorces than men do. The words “I’m leaving you” can be a complete shock, especially if you’ve been just coasting in your relationship. What should you do next? This depends on what you’re thinking. She can’t leave me! I won’t let her. If these are your first thoughts, you’re in a very dangerous spot, and your first step must be...

Big Changes at Assume Love

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We have a new web design coming very soon, complete with all 15 years of Assume Love blog posts. I have added a search function and other goodies and made the site much easier to read on a smart phone or tablet. And if you are one of the hundreds of folks who subscribe by email, watch for an email in a few days from Patty Newbold, Assume Love Blog (newsletter @ enjoybeingmarried.com). It will be...

Why Do I Need to Arrange Everything?

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Some of us are natural-born planners. Some of us are natural-born worriers. I am both. Perhaps you, too, are the sort of person who makes lists of criteria and starts calling housekeeping services weeks in advance of when you’ll need them. Or the sort who vets enough babysitters to know whom you will call if your favorite is not available on your birthday. Or the sort who gets an idea to...

When Your Spouse Won’t Use Your Love Language

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I’m sure you have heard of Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages. Lots of us have read the book. Others have learned the languages from magazine articles or workshops. If you and your husband or wife share a Love Language, it’s easy to show your love for each other. For the rest of us, there is a giant pitfall you might want to avoid. If you expect your spouse to use your Love...

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What Did You Say?!

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A reader recently asked me a question, and I expect she’s not the only one asking. I have been watching couples/friends get into arguments they didn’t want to get into, simply because the discussion began on the wrong foot. Instead of asking an open ended question, e.g., “It seems cleaning up after dinner is a task neither of us wants to do. I wonder how we can solve this...

Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

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