Assume Love

How to have a happier marriage without waiting for your spouse to change

Latest stories

Snarky Comments


Snarky comments about your wife or husband never make a marriage happier or stronger…not even if you share them only with your friends. – celebrating our 18th anniversary today. Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone!

How to Get Your Husband or Wife to Change


When you married, your spouse seemed perfect. Since then, you’ve discovered an upsetting habit. Or she’s given up vegan for keto. Or he’s stopped exercising and put on 60 pounds. Maybe Mr. Chill loses his cool when job stress goes up. Or perimenopause has messed with her libido. Or perhaps (really?) you married thinking, “That’s OK. I can change him.” Or her...

Trial Balloon Failure


I was reminded again last week about something a client taught me long ago. Some of us make our decisions out loud. Others don’t speak until they have a decision to announce. And boy do we confuse each other! For those who make up their minds in private, a comment like, “I’m thinking about taking a watercolor painting course” (which I would consider a perfectly sane trial...

Money: What Are You Protecting?


I read a lot of relationship and marriage newsletters, columns, and blogs. Money issues come up a lot in them. The advice givers fall into two camps. I wish we had research results on which strategy pays off best in the long run for the most people. Which one is yours? Camp #1: Protect divorced or deserted you by keeping control of all your assets and your place in the job market, even after...

For marriage book reviews and books by Patty Newbold, the author of Assume Love, visit:

Two New Emotional Abuse Books


I recently read two recently published books about marital abuse, especially emotional abuse, and I recommend both of them. Unlike the many written by psychologists and marriage therapists, these are both written by women who have suffered such abuse. I have previously met the authors of both books, although not while they were enduring the abuse. They are wise, strong women and excellent writers...

Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

Assume Love in Your Inbox!

Read About

Recent Comments

Popular Posts

Visit Patty’s Other Site

Enjoy Being Married logo


Social Media