Assume Love

How to have a happier marriage without waiting for your spouse to change

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Fix the Danger!


I am a worrier. A world-class worrier, I suspect. My father taught me well: always ask, “What if?” MIT taught me well: they gave me a degree in Planning. But my native curiosity and imagination were probably more than enough on their own. The other night, I was sitting on the sofa beside my husband when I smelled smoke. I asked him if he smelled it. Nope. But, to humor me and out of a...

Winning and Losing Arguments


If you have always thought you’re winning when you get your way and losing when you don’t, you will need to change your perspective to enjoy being married. If you go along to get along when you disagree with your spouse, you know it puts a little extra distance between the two of you. It’s harder to feel close when you’ve just agreed to something you actually disagree with...

Happy Anniversary!


It’s Valentine’s Day, 2022. And the Assume Love blog is now Sweet Sixteen. I published the first post on Valentine’s Day in 2006. I hope that it’s helped you celebrate more happy Valentines Days since then. Happy seventh anniversary to my cousin’s daughter (my first cousin once removed) and her marvelous second husband. What a great choice of wedding days. And (this...

How to Have a Happier Marriage Starting Today


I have been thinking a lot lately about all of the friends and loved ones of mine who have died. I’m sure I was annoyed or even really angry at most of them at some point. But this is not what I remember. I remember what they taught me about how to make the world a better place. Some lit up a room with their smiles. They were the same people who showed me how to ask the right questions to...

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What Should a Spouse Do?


“My husband should eat better; I don’t want him to have a second heart attack.” “My wife should cook our meals and clean up after them; after all, I go to work everyday to support the two of us and our children.” “My spouse should speak kindly to me; Words of Affirmation is my Love Language, and I make an effort to come up with plenty of Acts of Service.”...

Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

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