When one of you is laid off or seriously ill or grieving a parent’s recent death, both of you get stressed. So does your relationship. Choose carefully how to deal with each other. The last thing you need right now is to do a kindness for the other that gets rejected or sneered at. If your husband or wife is working extra hours to make up for your loss of income, it’s kind to take on...
This is actually a great combo! Put it to good use. Revitalizing your relationship will take some effort. So would building a new life as a divorced person if you choose not to make that effort. Consider yourself lucky: you’re already doing all the chores, just like a divorced person must. You won’t be one of those people who abandons a relationship only to suddenly experience what it...
“It just struck me that hypothesizing about possible reasons for a spouse’s behavior could be seen by friends and other bystanders as making excuses for the spouse.” This is from a frequent Assume Love commenter, and I am thrilled she asked me to reply. Our purpose when we Assume Love and look again at why something upsetting happened is to get closer to the truth, not to make...
The best way to handle a disagreement is to avoid it. If your spouse steals the covers or if you tend to move around a lot in your sleep: Put one bottom sheet on the bed. Put two top sheets on, one on each half. Fold two large ones into rectangles or triangles, depending on how you two share the bed. Or get two twin sheets. Do the same with blankets or comforters or duvets. If you worry about...
When you married, your spouse seemed perfect. Since then, you’ve discovered an upsetting habit. Or she’s given up vegan for keto. Or he’s stopped exercising and put on 60 pounds. Maybe Mr. Chill loses his cool when job stress goes up. Or perimenopause has messed with her libido. Or perhaps (really?) you married thinking, “That’s OK. I can change him.” Or her...
