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What's Your Love Language?

Which of these would you most appreciate from your husband or wife?

  • An hour-long massage

  • A dreaded chore done for you

  • A gift to use in one of your hobbies

  • A very special date night together

  • A heartfelt love letter or song


Love languages are very real and understanding them can be a very valuable tool for a marriage. I've read and evaluated my own love languages and have also identified my husbands. He is happy much of the time now because I stopped loving him in my own language and began to love him in his. However, I can't get him to read the books or to understand that I have a different love language than he does and that I am often left wanting in the way of "feeling" loved. I know it's there, because I can see that he is showing me in his own way & language. But yet, my deepest needs for that love assurance goes unsatisfied. I'm a date night and love letter girl and he is a massage and chore guy. Plenty of years to figure it all out, I guess :)

Look for Third Alternatives, Brooke, solutions that satisfy both of you. He won't feel like he's loving you if he's setting up a date night, but he will if he's taking care of a chore for you when he does it. What if you were to pick the romantic location or event and ask him to take care of making reservations, getting tickets, printing out directions, hiring a babysitter, etc.? You might also ask him, during a massage, to spell out "I love you" on your skin with his finger. Your delight might lead to more messages.

Or write him a love note on the bathroom mirror and leave the lipstick out for reply messages in a day or two. If he writes one, let him know how good it makes you feel. If his love language is acts of service, it could easily become a regular act of service once he sees how appreciated it is.

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Patty Newbold is a widow who got it right the second time...

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