Why Are You Married?


There are many reasons to marry. Beware of scope creep. I need to remind myself sometimes that I married for love, not for a better place to live or help paying the bills or higher status or more sex. I didn’t need or want citizenship in another country. I didn’t want another child. I love having someone cook for me or keep the house clean or think of interesting new things to do and...

Valentine’s Day? Lean In!


I was surprised by my sadness right after the birth of my only child. Such a beautiful moment, but I felt like I had lost something. My husband and I had no preference for a girl or a boy, so we did not ask which it would be in advance. However, in those last two weeks of waiting, we both became convinced it was a girl, and we began calling our overripe belly bump Sara. When our gorgeous, healthy...

Is Financial Irresponsibility Grounds for Divorce?


A reader asks how to help a newlywed friend. She’s paying the bills, keeping careful track, budgeting for every predictable expense. He’s running up unexpected bills, failing to warn her what they will owe this month or to turn over needed paperwork on time. And it’s drowning her in distress. Can this marriage be saved? Can she live with a man like this? Of course she can. How...

Why Did You Get Married?


I ask only because forgetting the answer got me into so much trouble, really made me miserable. Almost ended my marriage. Twice, I got married because I was really in love with someone who was really in love with me. I loved the feeling of being loved. And I especially liked how I felt about me when I was loving someone I really admired. I have hired painters, snow shovellers, trash removers...

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We’re Never Going to Get Divorced


Author and journalist Susan Gregory Thomas has a new memoir out. It looks like a great read. An excerpt appeared earlier this month in the Wall Street Journal as their Saturday Essay. It broke my heart to read this from this Generation X latchkey kid, part of the 50% of her generation from split families: “‘Whatever happens, we’re never going to get divorced.’ Over the...

Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

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