Why Are You Married?

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There are many reasons to marry. Beware of scope creep.

I need to remind myself sometimes that I married for love, not for a better place to live or help paying the bills or higher status or more sex. I didn’t need or want citizenship in another country. I didn’t want another child. I love having someone cook for me or keep the house clean or think of interesting new things to do and places to eat, but that’s not why I married. I married because my life felt incomplete without someone loving me and someone I could love.

That’s why I married. Of course, your reasons might have been very different. Whatever they were, let’s both keep them in mind when we’re craving whatever someone else’s marriage provides. That craving keeps us from fully enjoying what we came for.

About the author

Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

2 Comments

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  • Thank you for this insightful article on understanding the deeper reasons behind why we choose to marry. As a couples therapist, I often see couples struggling to connect with the core reasons they committed to each other in the first place. It’s essential to remember that marriage is not just about companionship or fulfilling societal expectations, but about a deeper connection that fosters growth, mutual support, and unconditional love.

    In therapy, we frequently explore these fundamental motivations, helping couples rekindle their understanding and appreciation of each other. This journey often leads to stronger, more resilient relationships. Your article highlights the importance of recognizing and nurturing these underlying reasons, which is crucial for sustaining a healthy and fulfilling marriage.

    Thank you for shedding light on this vital aspect of relationships.

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