Sarah posted a comment this morning on my Should I Stay Married for the Kids? post with a really great question. Here is what Sarah wrote: I love the idea that “An expectation is a premeditated resentment”; it has me thinking. On one hand I think it is a great idea, but on the other hand I feel that if we should “Never settle for being a doormat” then we have to have...
Did you, like so many others, grow up without the chance to observe a great marriage at close range for many years? Marriage books and blogs like this one can only go so far to fill this gap. We need role models, not just techniques. Lois Tschetter Hjelmstad offers us an intimate, close-up picture of her marriage to Les Hjelmstad in her new book, This Path We Share: Reflecting on 60 Years of...
When I get upset with my husband, I sometimes come to Assume Love to remember what I’m supposed to do about it. Here are two of the quotes I find very helpful. Twice now, I have been blessed to have love in my life. Love includes some side benefits that lighten the load of living, but when we specify which ones with our expectations, I’ve learned we drive away the love. [August 2006]...
An awful lot of complaints about the men in our lives start the same: I expect my husband to pick up after himself. I expect him to at least remember when our anniversary is! I expect that when I cook, he does the dishes. I did not expect that once we married, he would kiss me only when he’s looking for sex. And I did not expect he would make such a fuss about visiting my family. I expect...
One of my favorite sayings (I think it comes from Alcoholics Anonymous) is this: “An expectation is a premeditated resentment.” December is a big month for mistaken expectations, especially for a new couple or for one whose circumstances have changed this year. Do you want to spend this month angry about the help you expected, the gifts you expected, the attendance at family or social...
