Did you, like so many others, grow up without the chance to observe a great marriage at close range for many years? Marriage books and blogs like this one can only go so far to fill this gap. We need role models, not just techniques. Lois Tschetter Hjelmstad offers us an intimate, close-up picture of her marriage to Les Hjelmstad in her new book, This Path We Share: Reflecting on 60 Years of...
When I get upset with my husband, I sometimes come to Assume Love to remember what I’m supposed to do about it. Here are two of the quotes I find very helpful. Twice now, I have been blessed to have love in my life. Love includes some side benefits that lighten the load of living, but when we specify which ones with our expectations, I’ve learned we drive away the love. [August 2006]...
An awful lot of complaints about the men in our lives start the same: I expect my husband to pick up after himself. I expect him to at least remember when our anniversary is! I expect that when I cook, he does the dishes. I did not expect that once we married, he would kiss me only when he’s looking for sex. And I did not expect he would make such a fuss about visiting my family. I expect...
One of my favorite sayings (I think it comes from Alcoholics Anonymous) is this: “An expectation is a premeditated resentment.” December is a big month for mistaken expectations, especially for a new couple or for one whose circumstances have changed this year. Do you want to spend this month angry about the help you expected, the gifts you expected, the attendance at family or social...
Before the wedding, we say we don’t know exactly what to expect from marriage. We lie. It’s not even a year before most utter the words, “If you loved me…” or “If he loved me…” or “Why can’t she…” We know what we expect, and it is a disappointment when it’s not what we get. Picture yourself planning a garden tour. You...
I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.
