Paternity Surprise for Women Thinking of Leaving Their Husbands


Are you separated? Thinking of cheating on your husband? Or still living with your ex-husband but seeing someone else? There’s something you ought to know. While you’re married, and even for 300 days (10 months) after your divorce is final, most U.S. states and the U.K. presume your husband is the legal father of any child you give birth to. This is true even if some other man you are...

Husbands’ Gripes


The Huffington Post lists the big 6 complaints shared by men in marriage counseling. They are worth looking at — not as a self-improvement checklist for wives, but as a big help when you want to Assume Love, Expect Love, and Find Third Alternatives, whether you’re the husband or the wife. 1. My wife expects me to be a mind reader. 2. The late night arguments are getting out of hand. 3...

On Staying in Love (Assume Love’s 10th Anniversary post)


When I began writing this blog on Valentine’s Day, 2006, I was afraid. Afraid to admit to my contributions to the terrible problems of my first marriage. Afraid no one would read what I had to write. Afraid I would run out of things to say. Afraid I’d get to the same point in my second marriage and discover I’d been kidding myself about what I learned from my first...

How Important is Communication to a Great Marriage?


Couples with great marriages usually communicate quite well. Those with angry marriages or who share a home but not much more usually communicate rather poorly. But does this mean better communication creates a better marriage? I don’t think it does. With a counselor guiding the conversation, it might get a marriage from combative to sort of peaceful, but I’ve never seen a couple talk...

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When One Spouse Often Shows Up Later than the Other


We cannot “fix” our spouses. To do so, we would need to assume the “better person” role and pronounce as flawed the person we vowed to love and honor, revealing disrespect. Not a good idea in a relationship based on respect and sharing. The best we can hope for is to influence our spouses, to hope they will admire our choices and adopt them as their own. Short of that, we...

Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

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