Love Your In-Laws


Many of us have a rough time at first dealing with our in-laws. Why? Because our claim on our life partner is so much newer than theirs is. Everything we do to protect it makes them uneasy. So don’t set yourself up as competitors. These are parents and siblings, not your competition for wife or husband or life partner. When you want to explain your point of view, begin with words like:...

Investment Improves Your Odds


One of the things Caryl Rusbult discovered about relationships is that the more both parties have invested in them, the less likely they are to end. What is your partner up to in which you could invest some time or money this week? What does your husband or wife need that you could provide? What could you do to help your life partner be braver and take the risk that makes the difference? And what...

Date Night Ideas for the Class of ’70


It’s 42 years since my husband and I graduated from high school. I went to a fairly affluent and well-run high school in the northeast corner of NJ. He went to high school in an impoverished steel mill town in Pennsylvania that had the foresight to apply for and win a grant that gave him the ability to star in his own TV show every school day, doing stand-up comedy. Most of my date night...

Do We Need to Worry?


Our brains are designed to notice what’s not as we expected. Why? So we will notice and pay attention to threats in our environment. This business of living in houses with locking doors and heat and a supply of food that keeps for weeks (unless a giant storm comes along and knocks out your power, that is) is all pretty new, and our brains haven’t yet caught up. Living with someone...

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The Need to be Appreciated


Do you ever find yourself wondering whether your husband, wife, or life partner appreciates your efforts ? Do you ever get angry, wanting some gratitude for all you do? Me, too. It’s human. And it’s manipulative. And it has a funny boomerang effect of making it harder to appreciate you. If you feel underappreciated, do less. Free yourself to be loved and appreciated for who you are...

Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

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