One Simple Technique to Get More of What You Want


As a lot of you know, I’ve been working with Barbara Sher, author of all those great books on how to live a life you love, for a dozen years or so. She taught me the incredible power of saying “I want ____, but I don’t know how to _____.” If you go silent for a bit after saying this, most people will do mental somersaults to help you find a way around your obstacle...

How to Stop Feeling Fed Up


There’s an article by Gemma Hartley getting a lot of attention this week. The title is Women Aren’t Nags—We’re Just Fed Up. I find myself crying for Gemma and for all those women posting on social media that they, too, are fed up and nearing divorce. The tears come because I remember exactly what this feels like. It was 1986 (I can’t believe it was 31 years ago...

New York Protects Marriage and Children


Congratulations to the state of New York for its new law, signed this past Tuesday. No longer can 14, 15, and 16-year-olds in the state get married or, in many cases, be forced to marry, and those who are 17 will still need their parents’ or a judge’s consent. Obviously, this protects children, especially girls forced into marriages to significantly older men. It also protects...

Takeoffs and Takeovers: Scary Marriage


If you want to enjoy being married, it’s a good idea not to frighten your spouse. There are two big things that frighten people about relationships. Some are frightened by one or the other, some by both. And if you’re not frightened by the same one, it’s pretty easy to accidentally frighten the person at the center of your life. Takeoffs One of these two fears is you taking off...

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Do I Forgive My Boyfriend for Hitting Me?


I just had to answer a question on Quora today. Someone had been hit by a normally gentle and kind boyfriend who “just snapped.” She claimed she’d done nothing wrong, but she thought it might have happened because she was studying with a male student. And she made it clear she wanted to be told it’s not a problem if it happens just once. I could not tell her that, so I...

Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

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