If your marriage is not everything you hoped it would be, the next 15 minutes could create a major improvement. Please note: this makeover is not for marriages experiencing violence, threats of violence, addictive behaviors, or current infidelity. Here are your instructions: Take 2 minutes to list your biggest disappointments about your marriage. Write them down the left side of a sheet of paper...
Frustration, anger, and fear normally drive us to either-or thinking. Too many of us who still love the person we married end up considering divorce because life with our spouse has become intolerable. Let me suggest a few alternatives that most of us never consider until it’s too late: 1. You’ll need two homes if you divorce. Why not get them now? You may find you really need only a...
Carolyn, a reader of this blog, has given me permission to reply to her two emails here. I asked because I think of lot of you are asking the same questions, as I was 30 years ago. One thing that bugs the heck out of me with many advice columns, and I say this as kind criticism, is that the remedy is always brought back to the woman. Absolutely true — except when the person doing the...
I keep reading that people are so afraid of divorce now that many choose not to marry. They practice serial monogamy instead, living together while they focus their attention on their own career, which they imagine will provide the security marriage failed to provide for their parents. Unfortunately, their odds (for wealth, well-being, or security) are not good. Neither are yours if you decide to...
Say you go to watch a taping of your favorite TV talk show. It’s exciting. You get to see the studio, the set, the crew, and your favorite host in person. It’s a treat. But this is what you expected when you signed up for the tickets. You might have hoped there would be a new car giveaway on your day, but you don’t really expect one. When you arrive, you learn that today’s...
I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.
