That is what many people say when their marriages die. Every day, you have a choice. Grow together or grow apart. If you would like to grow together, find new things to do together that use the top strengths each of you brings to the marriage. Have you tried cooking classes? An internet business? A garden? Building a canoe? Hiking the Appalachian Trail? Backpacking across China? Buying a pair of...
Judging by the amount of media space they get, we all want to read about celebrity divorces. How is it that they find a beautiful, highly successful spouse and throw the wedding of their dreams (and ours) but cannot stand each other for even as long as we less famous folk do? John Tierney and Garth Sundern have been working on this conundrum. In 2006, they published a formula for predicting the...
In yesterday’s Wall Street Journal, Lunch Break columnist Elizabeth Bernstein offered great hope to anyone in a less-than-perfect marriage. She reported the results of a study by Howard Markman, one of the marriage education greats I have studied with. His lab at the University of Denver followed 300 couples for five years after receiving marriage skills training. One month after training...
You want to travel overseas. You’re married to someone who will not fly. You want to go back to school. Your spouse says, “We need you here.” Here might be the kitchen, the office, the store, or even the bank account. You want to spend Saturdays hiking. You married someone whose idea of a hike is getting the mail from the mailbox. Marriage is not meant to be stifling. It is...
At some point in your marriage, perhaps many points, your wife or husband will feel hurt and withdraw from you. More than likely, you will feel miserable, either because you hate to see your beloved in such pain or because you feel unjustly accused. The last thing you want at this point is an ineffective apology. It will make both of you feel worse. Here are three big mistakes to avoid when you...
