I promised this post a while ago to Ben. He wrote a heart-breaking comment on my Should I Stay Married for the Kids? post. I apologize for how long it’s taken to pull this together. The Situation Ben has a young daughter and a wife he feels he can no longer love. He’s 22 and about to start medical school. He has no time for the emotional ups and downs of a separation and divorce. He...
What a marvelous comment I received this afternoon! It came in reply to a recent post, When to Fix a Failing Marriage. This is definitely one worth fixing. Here is the comment. I love it because it has so many of the elements of what I have heard from both men and women when their spouse suddenly gets restless or angry. My wife told me 10 weeks ago that she loves me but she’s not in love...
Threat Number 1: You choose a partner who believes it is ever (ever!) okay to threaten, endanger, or harm you when frustrated or angry. Threat Number 2: You fail to deal with your own problems, limitations, or disappointments because you believe your spouse ought to deal with them, help you deal with them, or at least give his or her assent. You will know instantly if Threat Number 1 hits you...
To stay on top of developments in marriage and divorce law, policies, education, and research, I monitor a bunch of Google alerts daily. As a result, I am almost certain to hear about every celebrity break-up. This week, it is Jennie Garth and Peter Facinelli. They are divorcing. Been together long enough to leave three young daughters to deal with what they could not fix. Sixteen years, eleven...
Porn is a problem in many marriages. In an earlier post, I referred to several resources from an expert on the subject, Dr. Mark Laaser. The comments on that post are also worth reading. If porn is an issue in your marriage, I hope you will check it out. A lot of women take offense at porn. It makes them question their husbands’ respect and love for them. It feels like infidelity to them...
I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.
