The wrong way to stay married for the kids. Sleep in separate rooms, keep separate schedules, date other people, stay angry at each other, refer to each other around the kids as “your mother” and “your father.” This is not staying married. It’s just staying. You and your kids deserve better. But divorce is not the only alternative. The right way to stay married for...
I promised this post a while ago to Ben. He wrote a heart-breaking comment on my Should I Stay Married for the Kids? post. I apologize for how long it’s taken to pull this together. The Situation Ben has a young daughter and a wife he feels he can no longer love. He’s 22 and about to start medical school. He has no time for the emotional ups and downs of a separation and divorce. He...
What a marvelous comment I received this afternoon! It came in reply to a recent post, When to Fix a Failing Marriage. This is definitely one worth fixing. Here is the comment. I love it because it has so many of the elements of what I have heard from both men and women when their spouse suddenly gets restless or angry. My wife told me 10 weeks ago that she loves me but she’s not in love...
Threat Number 1: You choose a partner who believes it is ever (ever!) okay to threaten, endanger, or harm you when frustrated or angry. Threat Number 2: You fail to deal with your own problems, limitations, or disappointments because you believe your spouse ought to deal with them, help you deal with them, or at least give his or her assent. You will know instantly if Threat Number 1 hits you...
To stay on top of developments in marriage and divorce law, policies, education, and research, I monitor a bunch of Google alerts daily. As a result, I am almost certain to hear about every celebrity break-up. This week, it is Jennie Garth and Peter Facinelli. They are divorcing. Been together long enough to leave three young daughters to deal with what they could not fix. Sixteen years, eleven...
