CategoryHow to Expect Love

Whiskers on the Sink


I was stressed. And anxious. And trying to get work done. Problems kept popping up. I went to the bathroom sink to get a drink of water. The first thing I noticed was how wet the front of the sink was. Then I saw all those whisker clippings. Lots of them. My mind went right where it loves to go: what is wrong with my husband that he left this mess?! He’s a grown man! Can’t he do...

Nagging Your Husband or Wife


For some people, taking care of a chore that matters to their spouse feels loving. It makes them feel warm and tingly and like a better person. Unless the opportunity to do it of their own free will is taken from them. Then it just feels like work. For other people, a chore is always a chore. If they’re feeling loving, they want to take the afternoon to do something fun with you. Or they...

What’s Reasonable to Ask of Your Husband or Wife?


Back before my first husband died and I finally caught on to my real part in our relationship, this was an area where I made lots of mistakes. And as I moved on and got to know lots of recently divorced or separated folks my age, I discovered I was far from alone in not seeing this issue very clearly. What Happens When You Don’t Ask for What You Want? If you don’t ask for what you...

Sloppy Spouses


Sloppy is not really a lifestyle anyone aspires to. It just happens, usually while we’re feeling down or while we’re totally engaged with the rest of life. Sloppy dressing, sloppy piles of unfinished business, sloppy storage of clothes and dishes awaiting washing can drive a more organized partner — or one more attuned to physical beauty — up the wall. If you are that...

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I Wish My Spouse Would Assume Love


One thing greatly discouraged me about my training as a marriage educator. Most of the exercises and techniques were for becoming a better spouse. I see the same thing in most books about marriage. When a person is unhappy with their marriage, becoming a better spouse is difficult and kind of risky. Will trying something new cause our partner to do anything that will make us any happier? This is...

Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

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