If you’re one of the people who has ever asked this, I know something about you. You’re someone who routinely wipes it down after using it. The people who instead wipe the sink down before using it need the same amount of time. And they think a lot more highly of their partner, even if they’re not married to an after-wiper. They get a lot less riled up. And, of course, they...
We all bring expectations to a relationship. Some are life-preserving: “I expect to feel safe from violence and life-threatening conditions in our shared home.” Some are about boundaries we need to set to allow ourselves to be as vulnerable as real intimacy requires: “I expect to be free from any condition that turned deadly or life-threatening or intimidating in past...
I was stressed. And anxious. And trying to get work done. Problems kept popping up. I went to the bathroom sink to get a drink of water. The first thing I noticed was how wet the front of the sink was. Then I saw all those whisker clippings. Lots of them. My mind went right where it loves to go: what is wrong with my husband that he left this mess?! He’s a grown man! Can’t he do...
For some people, taking care of a chore that matters to their spouse feels loving. It makes them feel warm and tingly and like a better person. Unless the opportunity to do it of their own free will is taken from them. Then it just feels like work. For other people, a chore is always a chore. If they’re feeling loving, they want to take the afternoon to do something fun with you. Or they...
Back before my first husband died and I finally caught on to my real part in our relationship, this was an area where I made lots of mistakes. And as I moved on and got to know lots of recently divorced or separated folks my age, I discovered I was far from alone in not seeing this issue very clearly. What Happens When You Don’t Ask for What You Want? If you don’t ask for what you...
I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.
