Until I was so suddenly widowed, I did not understand fairness in marriage. I was feeling in the months before his death that I was stuck with the lion’s share of the effort. It felt so unfair. It’s hard to enjoy being married with a feeling like that, and I imagined the cure was for him to assume more of the responsibility and effort. I was wrong. The day after his death, this became...
You are not really safe if you’re sharing your life with someone who does not love you. You could be swindled. You might suddenly find your bank accounts emptied or huge credit card debts in your name or a big tax bill on income you knew nothing about. You could find yourself alone in your now unfurnished apartment without a car or a clue where your spouse went or why. You could find your...
I am a worrier. A world-class worrier, I suspect. My father taught me well: always ask, “What if?” MIT taught me well: they gave me a degree in Planning. But my native curiosity and imagination were probably more than enough on their own. The other night, I was sitting on the sofa beside my husband when I smelled smoke. I asked him if he smelled it. Nope. But, to humor me and out of a...
“My husband should eat better; I don’t want him to have a second heart attack.” “My wife should cook our meals and clean up after them; after all, I go to work everyday to support the two of us and our children.” “My spouse should speak kindly to me; Words of Affirmation is my Love Language, and I make an effort to come up with plenty of Acts of Service.”...
You’re overwhelmed. You need help. And, of course, it seems only fair and right and loving that the person you married should provide that help. But it doesn’t happen. You invited both families to a holiday dinner, but nothing went right in the kitchen, and nothing’s set up yet in the dining room. You holler for a helping hand and get told that your loving mate is taking care of...
I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.
