Until I was so suddenly widowed, I did not understand fairness in marriage.
I was feeling in the months before his death that I was stuck with the lion’s share of the effort. It felt so unfair. It’s hard to enjoy being married with a feeling like that, and I imagined the cure was for him to assume more of the responsibility and effort. I was wrong.
The day after his death, this became quite apparent. I had it fat when I was married. I had been so very lucky, I discovered too late. Now, as a widow, the yard work, the cooking, the appointments, the school transportation, the home repairs, the cleaning, the homework, the baseball practices, the bill paying, the income earning were all mine.
And, of course, I could not do it all.
The solutions I found once I could no longer say, “You should do this!” helped a lot. I really wish I had looked for them sooner.