Enjoy a tip from the widow’s handbook. For the next 48 hours, try this. Whatever you remember and whatever happens, imagine it will never happen again. Good or bad, past or present, it will never happen again. As the two of you take a walk together, imagine this is your last chance. You will never be able to walk together again. What sort of walk will you want to remember for the rest of...
If you Assume Love when upset by your mate and you Expect Love to show up in forms you never dreamed up, you will inevitably overlook one or two of your spouse’s failings. You won’t overlook crushing debt or being shoved or burned with a cigarette, but you might overlook an unkind word intended as an insult. You might overlook a missed anniversary or a failed promise to pick up your...
This one verse from Tony Arata’s song, a huge hit for Garth Brooks in 1990, says a lot about why I will always Expect Love and avoid defining how my marriage to Ed should unfold. And now I’m glad I didn’t know The way it all would end, the way it all would go Our lives are better left to chance—I could have missed the pain But I’d have had to miss the dance This is...
Sometimes, I don’t like my husband. When this happened in my first marriage, I would search around for all the other reasons not to like him. I would get a good grump going. But, as you know, waking up a widow changed my perspective. Now, when I don’t much like my second husband, I smile. I smile because I know the reason. I am frustrated, not getting something I expect from him...
Marriage brings with it responsibilities, disagreements, and unpleasant surprises. Some of them don’t make themselves known until you divorce or your mate becomes addicted to something. Thanks to the recently high divorce rate, marriage often means stepchildren, too, not to mention stepparents-in-law and your new half-brother-in-law’s son and stepdaughter. Lots of family drama...
I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.
