Marriage offers some great feelings, not the least of which is orgasm. But there is one even more fabulous feeling. It’s that feeling when you are overwhelmed with admiration, awe, caring, kindness, and gratitude for another human. Your vagus nerve warms your chest. Your eyes widen. Your face softens. All of your selfishness washes away, and you are filled with altruistic thoughts. A powerful urge to do something wonderful, something caring for this person you love grows in you.
Many of us feel this when we get engaged or at the wedding, but it’s possible to continue to experience moments like this for a lifetime. They only get better with a richer and richer shared history.
It’s a longing for this feeling, as much as lust, that drives some people to go searching for a new partner. But to invite this embodied feeling of love to keep revisiting, you really must lean in, not out.