Marriage offers some great feelings, not the least of which is orgasm. But there is one even more fabulous feeling. It’s that feeling when you are overwhelmed with admiration, awe, caring, kindness, and gratitude for another human. Your vagus nerve warms your chest. Your eyes widen. Your face softens. All of your selfishness washes away, and you are filled with altruistic thoughts. A...
Sometimes, I don’t like my husband. When this happened in my first marriage, I would search around for all the other reasons not to like him. I would get a good grump going. But, as you know, waking up a widow changed my perspective. Now, when I don’t much like my second husband, I smile. I smile because I know the reason. I am frustrated, not getting something I expect from him...
Assume Love is shorthand for a little technique that can turn your distressing marriage into a great one. Try it whenever you find yourself wondering if your mate could possibly still love you or be worthy of your love. All you do is ask yourself, “if this person still loves me completely and still possesses his or her best qualities, and I had no doubt of this, how might I explain what he...
Yesterday, the New York Times published Mona Simpson’s eulogy for her brother, Steve Jobs. I just have to reprint a few really important quotes from it today. Steve was like a girl in the amount of time he spent talking about love. Love was his supreme virtue, his god of gods. He tracked and worried about the romantic lives of the people working with him. I remember when he phoned the day...
Fear drives out love. That tense knot in your chest keeps your heart from melting when it should. Disagreements create fear, both fear of needing to give up being yourself to stay married and fear of losing the kindnesses, respect, shared moments, courage, and teamwork that marriage offers. Third Alternatives end the disagreement, end the fear, and let love flow. One of the best ways to stay in...
