Did I Write That?


I was feeling rather low this morning, so I started reading old posts, looking for inspiration. Instead, I ran into a few nice surprises, posts I had forgotten I wrote, very nice ones. They surprised me and cheered me up. I thought I would share a quote or two from each of them with you. The titles link to the posts, in case they grab you, too.
What Would a Great Marriage Feel Like?
I think a great marriage feels like swing dancing. It’s not static and unchanging. It’s being pushed away and pulled back with just the right tension in the bonds connecting you…It’s challenging at times, joyous at others…If you start dancing your own way, you’re likely to stumble or step on your partner’s toes. You must lead or follow. When you follow, you listen for cues with every part of your body, then deliver what’s asked for, even if it’s not what you expected. When you lead, your goal is to make your partner look like a great dancer, even if it means making your cues more obvious, doing a quick shuffle to correct for a misstep, or extending an arm to prevent a run-in your partner cannot see coming.
How to Choose the Perfect Partner
Your perfect partner is not frightened or disgusted by your past or your dreams. You cannot know this, and you cannot find your perfect partner, until you reveal your past and your dreams, ideally after the first date and before the first orgasm, because all that oxytocin will bond you and make it harder to leave if you have found the wrong partner for you.
The Hard Work of Marriage
Loving more is hard work when we feel unloved. When we feel loved, though, it’s a joy, almost a compulsion. And when we feel loved, we don’t keep score, like we do when it feels like hard work.
From Tiger Woods’ Announcement: 48 Words We All Need to Hear
At some point in your marriage, there is a high probability you will reach a point where temptation hits at the exact same moment you feel you have worked hard to make money your spouse takes for granted, worked hard to care for a mate too ill to meet your sexual needs, worked hard to stretch a dollar year after year for a partner who won’t even buy you a bunch of flowers on your anniversary.
You just might feel entitled. You might even feel getting what you deserve would reduce the tension in your marriage. And you might run straight through the boundaries that a married couple should live by.
If I’m Not the One Thing You Can’t Stand to Lose…
Reba McEntire’s hit song Consider Me Gone expresses a feeling many of us have experienced in our relationships. “If I’m not the one thing you can’t stand to lose…consider me gone.” Feeling unimportant to someone we love and want in our life is intolerable. Our natural first impulse is to run.
Earthquakes and Extramarital Affairs
Earthquakes and the discovery of your spouse’s extramarital affair have a lot in common…You can live in a place for decades before an earthquake big enough to cause damage occurs. Day after day, even though you know the odds of an earthquake in your lifetime are high, you live your life normally. To do otherwise would keep you tied up in knots.
Burnt Peas
There you are, waiting for your dinner, and suddenly you smell them scorching. Once even one is scorched, it’s pretty much too late to rescue them. And now the giant wheel of fortune begins its wild spin. Where will it land for you?

  • I feel so bad for my mate. What an awful, last-minute thing to happen while cooking dinner.
  • Oy! How long will this delay dinner? Will we get to the movie on time?
  • I love my mate’s creativity! We must be having blackened peas. Should be interesting.

Here’s the thing. Even after the wheel of fortune makes its stop, if the thought it lands on does not improve your relationship, you are free to take another spin.
If you found one that spoke to you, too, today, I hope you will leave a comment on it to let me know. I read all of your comments and am grateful for the time you take to add them.

About the author

Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.


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  • Sorry to hear you were feeling low yesterday, Patty. I read every one of your posts as soon as I see there is a new one. I am often guilty, though, of not leaving a comment. It is usually because I don’t have the time at that moment to carefully word it so it accurately conveys my thoughts. (I am somewhat of a perfectionist that way.) My plan to come back at a later time to leave a comment doesn’t always come to fruition. I apologize and will do better in the future.
    Just know that your Assume Love posts keep me going. Your words are circulating in my head every day as I ponder the mysteries of how my marriage got to where it is today. Your advice is what speaks clearly to me out of the hundreds of sources I have consulted for help in improving how I view my relationship with my husband.
    I have recommended Assume Love to my daughters and several friends who could benefit from your unique perspective. I am not sure if any of them have started reading yet. They may not yet be in the place where they are open to receiving this type of information. But, at least they know about you and your blog and can turn to it when the need arises and time is right for them.
    Thank you, Patty, for all you do. You are my lifeline!

By Patty Newbold

Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

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