Love Cannot Explain

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When we Assume Love, we do it to help us look for alternate explanations for an upsetting incident. Finding them helps us bounce back emotionally and often grow closer to our spouses.
Some things, though, cannot be explained as the acts of a loving person with a sound mind. Among them:

  • Putting your freedom, food, or shelter in jeopardy by committing felony acts, spending more than disposable income on personal whims or addictions, or making your home unsafe to live in.
  • Physically harming you, your children, or your close family members, or repeatedly threatening physical harm to any of you.
  • Tapping into your worst fears repeatedly to keep you anxious, frightened, or depressed, whether with verbal put-downs, threats, exposure to things you are phobic about, or open violation of your sexual fidelity or privacy.

Get help to physically separate yourself from or protect yourself from any spouse engaging in these acts. Once you are safe from harm, you can better judge whether to remain loyal or not, married or not. You cannot help nor make such decisions while dealing with the danger in person.
Some of these can be explained as the acts of a person under the influence of drugs or alcohol, dealing with dementia, brain tumor, or brain damage, or subject to an addiction. In these cases, you need physical protection or separation not just for yourself but also to protect your spouse while ill. Being in a position to commit unintentional harm to a loved one will only interfere with their recovery or peace of mind.
You can continue to support and love from a safe distance or with trained help by your side. I believe you help a good deal more this way than by staying close.

About the author

Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

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By Patty Newbold

Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

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