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Sometimes, I Don't Like My Husband

Sometimes, I don't like my husband. When this happened in my first marriage, I would search around for all the other reasons not to like him. I would get a good grump going. But, as you know, waking up a widow changed my perspective.

Now, when I don't much like my second husband, I smile. I smile because I know the reason. I am frustrated, not getting something I expect from him. Nothing changed about him. I changed. I expected something other than love from him. So, I smile, and I look for signs of his love for me.

I always find them. And then, feeling loved, I get back to the job of figuring out how to get what I thought he was going to provide. It might be a whisker-free sink for cleaning my contacts or a companion for a movie or a cook for dinner.

When I do, I feel a lot better. And I realize one more time that I can do this for myself, even if he goes right on being the lovable but unpredictable guy I fell in love with. I never have to wait for him to change so that I can enjoy being married.

Top Ten Marriage Blog 2011 award nominations

I hope you enjoy this blog. I think the new Top Ten award would look great in place of last year's, don't you? Click on it if you would like to nominate Assume Love and be reminded when the voting opens on the day after Thanksgiving.


Patty, I have been reading Assume Love for about a month. I discovered it on Barbara Sher's forums. I just nominated this blog to be in the top 10 for 2011. Here is a copy of the note I sent with my nomination: "Patty's blog with its reminders to assume love has been a Godsend to me as I struggle to be happy in my marriage. My husband & I grew apart over the 34 years we have been married due to various reasons, most of which stupidity played a major part. Until I discovered Patty's blog, I had never heard of the concept to assume love. I think my marriage would have been much better if I had known to assume love 34 years ago. Please nominate her blog!" Thank you, Patty, for your efforts to to help people like me to remember to assume love. Some days, your entry is what keeps me sane!

Welcome to Assume Love, Lilian, and thank you so much for the nomination and for the evidence that this blog is helping others avoid the mistakes I made and find happiness. If you missed the first few posts in October, the series on how to Find Third Alternatives, I hope you will look for them.

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Patty Newbold is a widow who got it right the second time...

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