Sometimes, I don’t like my husband. When this happened in my first marriage, I would search around for all the other reasons not to like him. I would get a good grump going. But, as you know, waking up a widow changed my perspective. Now, when I don’t much like my second husband, I smile. I smile because I know the reason. I am frustrated, not getting something I expect from him...
Author and journalist Susan Gregory Thomas has a new memoir out. It looks like a great read. An excerpt appeared earlier this month in the Wall Street Journal as their Saturday Essay. It broke my heart to read this from this Generation X latchkey kid, part of the 50% of her generation from split families: “‘Whatever happens, we’re never going to get divorced.’ Over the...
There are days when expectations creep up and try to rob me of the great relationship I have with my husband. Then I remember what I figured out the day I got my comeuppance, my karmic payback. My first husband died a day after I listed my unmet expectations for him. I was left to meet them for myself. Only then did I take stock of what he was doing for me instead of the things on my list. I...
While you wait for the help with housework or errands you expected, listen for the caring words you expected, wait for company for something you expected to do together, mourn the expected gifts you never get, or wait for an expected hug or caress of the hand, you miss out on everything else your husband or wife wants to offer you as soon as you prepare your heart to receive it without a...
What you expect from your marriage has a lot to do with how much you will enjoy it. Expect your personal mind-picture of the perfect marriage and find yourself frequently and sorely disappointed. Expect “growth” from the person you actually married into the person you think your mate could become and find yourself in a non-stop battle. Expect supportive words from a gift-giver, acts...
I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.
