This Mess of a Marriage is Not My Fault!
This mess of a marriage we have is NOT my fault. Why should I be the one to change?
I have heard this question from people who do not see why it would help to Assume Love, Expect Love, and Find Third Alternatives. I have even asked it myself before that horrible day that opened my eyes. So perhaps you ask it, too.
Here's the thing. Should is the wrong word. When you ask why you should be the one, you run face-first into all those issues of fairness. If you suffer the pain of the messed-up marriage, surely your mate should suffer the pain of fixing it. It's only fair.
What if it could be unfair but in your favor? It can. Instead of asking why it should be you, you ask, "How can I be the one who is happy with this marriage?" Can you really accomplish this without forcing your partner to change? You can. So what if it's not your fault things got to this point? You have the power to choose to Enjoy Being Married a whole lot more.
And this is why I write this blog and offer more resources, including a newsletter, on the Enjoy Being Married website.