Women initiate more divorces than men do. The words “I’m leaving you” can be a complete shock, especially if you’ve been just coasting in your relationship. What should you do next? This depends on what you’re thinking. She can’t leave me! I won’t let her. If these are your first thoughts, you’re in a very dangerous spot, and your first step must be...
Earlier this week, I read an op ed essay by Kim Brooks in the New York Times that made me ache. I could not stop thinking about it for the last 24 hours. The title claimed you’re in good company if you’re considering a Covid-19 Pandemic divorce, but that was not what the piece was about. It concludes that we’re not meant for nuclear families, and so Kim consoles herself and her...
I know from personal experience how overwhelming emotions can get when your marriage feels like it’s not working. Before you announce you’ve had it, try this. Make a list of the things you would do after you divorced, other than flirt or find a new sex partner, and do them for three months. Go out for dinner with your friends. Take a trip without your spouse. Learn to dance. Lose...
A reader asks how to help a newlywed friend. She’s paying the bills, keeping careful track, budgeting for every predictable expense. He’s running up unexpected bills, failing to warn her what they will owe this month or to turn over needed paperwork on time. And it’s drowning her in distress. Can this marriage be saved? Can she live with a man like this? Of course she can. How...
Author and journalist Susan Gregory Thomas has a new memoir out. It looks like a great read. An excerpt appeared earlier this month in the Wall Street Journal as their Saturday Essay. It broke my heart to read this from this Generation X latchkey kid, part of the 50% of her generation from split families: “‘Whatever happens, we’re never going to get divorced.’ Over the...
I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.
