I received a comment today on this blog from JS, who is looking to put some romance back in his or her marriage. Like so many of us, they have fallen into parents-instead-of-lovers mode. For their anniversary, JS arranged a romantic weekend without the kids at a hotel and spa she likes, but it backfired. She did not like being surprised. She claimed to be ill and refused to go, then went shopping...
Not many people have discovered the shortcut to see all 270 blog post titles with links to the articles. Just click on the Archives link right below the Top Ten Marriage Blogs of 2010 badge on the right side of every page on the blog. Or, if you are reading this on Facebook or in an RSS feed reader, use the link in this post.
I am reading an excellent book by Beverly Engel on emotional abuse and what to do about it. But I keep imagining her asking, “You don’t really expect a man or woman who is being emotionally abused to assume love, do you?” I do. In addition to bringing back a lot of the warmth and joy in a lot of marriages, this simple practice can actually protect you against any type of abuse...
About your marriage, that is. You can. The three secrets I discovered a day too late put a lot of power in your hands. Secret #1: Assume Love. When something happens that makes you wonder if your wife has no respect for you, if your husband no longer cares about you, or whether you ought to stay together, Assume Love. Your lizard brain, the one that protected so many of your ancestors who lived...
When you get really angry about the way your husband or wife treats you, what do you do? Do you yell or throw something, then kiss and make up later? This is not assuming love. Do you keep your anger to yourself, giving your mate the benefit of the doubt, letting it pass, but not exactly letting it go, because you are loved? This is not assuming love, either. It is what I call pretending love...
