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I am reading an excellent book by Beverly Engel on emotional abuse and what to do about it. But I keep imagining her asking, “You don’t really expect a man or woman who is being emotionally abused to assume love, do you?” I do. In addition to bringing back a lot of the warmth and joy in a lot of marriages, this simple practice can actually protect you against any type of abuse...
About your marriage, that is. You can. The three secrets I discovered a day too late put a lot of power in your hands. Secret #1: Assume Love. When something happens that makes you wonder if your wife has no respect for you, if your husband no longer cares about you, or whether you ought to stay together, Assume Love. Your lizard brain, the one that protected so many of your ancestors who lived...
When you get really angry about the way your husband or wife treats you, what do you do? Do you yell or throw something, then kiss and make up later? This is not assuming love. Do you keep your anger to yourself, giving your mate the benefit of the doubt, letting it pass, but not exactly letting it go, because you are loved? This is not assuming love, either. It is what I call pretending love...
In today’s Dear Abby column, a reader writes: Every time I start to get over Guy, he comes around again. It’s like he has radar. In this case, Guy is a married man, but that’s the result, not the cause. If you are looking to get married and running into people like Guy, or if you are in Guy’s situation of being unable to choose, you need to know this. Some folks have a...
