It seems to be a natural human instinct to turn the Golden Rule on its head and do unto others what we really did not like them doing to us. He left you waiting in a restaurant for 20 minutes? Surely he will straighten up and fly right if you show up late for the next thing he schedules. She rejects your foreplay? Just show her who’s boss by refusing to kiss her, hug her, or hold hands with...
We have a new web design coming very soon, complete with all 15 years of Assume Love blog posts. I have added a search function and other goodies and made the site much easier to read on a smart phone or tablet. And if you are one of the hundreds of folks who subscribe by email, watch for an email in a few days from Patty Newbold, Assume Love Blog (newsletter @ enjoybeingmarried.com). It will be...
This, in a nutshell, is the Assume Love philosophy: put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others. In other words, don’t work on your relationship. Help yourself enjoy being married. What you do for your relationship when you enjoy it will never feel like work. Save your ideas for making your spouse a better husband or wife until you have fully opened yourself to receive the love...
At first read, a lot of folks think I must be daft to encourage anyone to Assume Love. It sounds like it would let a spouse just walk all over you. I am not the sort of person who lets anyone walk all over me. But I was, for my first 34 years, the sort who unknowingly walked around assuming a few things that robbed me of the great marriage I could have had. When my husband rather abruptly dropped...
People have two big fears about marriage. The first is that they will trust their spouse and then be abandoned, whether literally or in other ways. Those other ways might include infidelity, overly long hours at work or with friends, or silent time in front of a TV or computer. They might also include failure to be supportive in the face of challenging in-laws or children. They worry even when...
I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.
