The slow and uncertain route to a happy marriage looks like this: Do the things a good wife or a good husband should do. Make sure your spouse knows what you expect him or her to do. Schedule time to talk about your distress when you’re unhappy. If things get tense, make sure you protect your assets and your feelings, just in case there’s a divorce. Always check whether your friend or...
Does one of you worry more than the other? Ever wonder what you could do about this? All that extra worrying gets to be pretty annoying to the one who thinks there is nothing to worry about. And all that nonchalance just gives the worrier more to worry about. Treat it like any difference of opinion and shoot for a Third Alternative. To find one, you first need to let go of your original positions...
The third step in finding Third Alternatives (after Jump the Net and Write New Specs) is to Brainstorm. A brainstorm lets you build on top of each other’s creativity to think of things that would never occur to either of you alone. Here are a few tips for better brainstorms: Set aside a block of time with no interruptions. Find a relaxed, non-distracting environment. Review your specs...
This, in a nutshell, is the Assume Love philosophy: put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others. In other words, don’t work on your relationship. Help yourself enjoy being married. What you do for your relationship when you enjoy it will never feel like work. Save your ideas for making your spouse a better husband or wife until you have fully opened yourself to receive the love...
Why do married people fight? Often they fight to protect what they believe their spouse might take from them. Married life will wear you out if you must constantly watch out for your own interests. What to do instead? Start practicing looking for Third Alternatives if you need relief from this exhausting job. They also fight to increase intimacy. A good fight makes you feel your lives are more...
