Does one of you worry more than the other? Ever wonder what you could do about this? All that extra worrying gets to be pretty annoying to the one who thinks there is nothing to worry about. And all that nonchalance just gives the worrier more to worry about. Treat it like any difference of opinion and shoot for a Third Alternative. To find one, you first need to let go of your original positions...
The third step in finding Third Alternatives (after Jump the Net and Write New Specs) is to Brainstorm. A brainstorm lets you build on top of each other’s creativity to think of things that would never occur to either of you alone. Here are a few tips for better brainstorms: Set aside a block of time with no interruptions. Find a relaxed, non-distracting environment. Review your specs...
This, in a nutshell, is the Assume Love philosophy: put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others. In other words, don’t work on your relationship. Help yourself enjoy being married. What you do for your relationship when you enjoy it will never feel like work. Save your ideas for making your spouse a better husband or wife until you have fully opened yourself to receive the love...
Why do married people fight? Often they fight to protect what they believe their spouse might take from them. Married life will wear you out if you must constantly watch out for your own interests. What to do instead? Start practicing looking for Third Alternatives if you need relief from this exhausting job. They also fight to increase intimacy. A good fight makes you feel your lives are more...
Marriage brings with it responsibilities, disagreements, and unpleasant surprises. Some of them don’t make themselves known until you divorce or your mate becomes addicted to something. Thanks to the recently high divorce rate, marriage often means stepchildren, too, not to mention stepparents-in-law and your new half-brother-in-law’s son and stepdaughter. Lots of family drama...
I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.
