You want something. Your spouse objects, because he or she wants something else in the same time slot, with the same money, or in the same spot. You need a Third Alternative. You want what you want, and you want to be the sort of spouse who gives your mate what he or she wants, too. But what you each want is seldom the thing you each say you want. It is the feelings and the capabilities that...
You want to travel overseas. You’re married to someone who will not fly. You want to go back to school. Your spouse says, “We need you here.” Here might be the kitchen, the office, the store, or even the bank account. You want to spend Saturdays hiking. You married someone whose idea of a hike is getting the mail from the mailbox. Marriage is not meant to be stifling. It is...
Saudi Arabia’s Ministry of Justice is contemplating requiring couples to obtain family management licenses before marrying. Sixty percent of all court cases in the nation are family disputes, says the Saudi Gazette. No suggestion was offered that individuals might complete their training before beginning the search for a marriage partner. The license is to be granted to the couple. Sounds...
Luis said, “Barb, do you think you can find us a babysitter for Valentine’s Day, so I can take you to dinner at La Paz?” A small shudder of annoyance went down Barb’s spine. Luis never seemed to pay any attention to their budget. And he never, ever called any of the sitters himself, even though Barb had entered all of their numbers into his cell phone. Barb said, “I...
The slow and uncertain route to a happy marriage looks like this: Do the things a good wife or a good husband should do. Make sure your spouse knows what you expect him or her to do. Schedule time to talk about your distress when you’re unhappy. If things get tense, make sure you protect your assets and your feelings, just in case there’s a divorce. Always check whether your friend or...
I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.
