Why Married People Fight

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Why do married people fight?
Often they fight to protect what they believe their spouse might take from them. Married life will wear you out if you must constantly watch out for your own interests. What to do instead? Start practicing looking for Third Alternatives if you need relief from this exhausting job.
They also fight to increase intimacy. A good fight makes you feel your lives are more intertwined. It gets your blood moving, a lot like sex does. It might give you more physical contact with each other. It confirms your mate still cares what you think, even if he or she disagrees with it. It might even lead to makeup sex.
In the long run, though, research shows the couples whose unions survive constant fighting have at least five positive interactions for every negative one. Each fight offers a lot of negatives. So what can you do for the positives?
Sex, of course. Why not move to the makeup sex a little sooner in the fight?
Dancing. It offers physical contact and gets your blood flowing without any more hurtful words.
Hiking. But only if the path requires you to hold onto each other on the tough parts.
Baking or cooking. Feed each other with the mixing spoon. Lick the beaters together. Hug the cook. Compliment the cooking. Compliment yourselves as a couple, too.
I am sure you can think of lots more. I hope you will, and I hope you will share them in the comments box below. [If there is none there, click on “Why Married People Fight” up above.

About the author

Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

3 Comments

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  • This is a very thoughtful post. I think it is also important to remember that while fighting within a marriage is simply a part of being married, and that it may even bring a couple closer, it is important to remember to be respectful during conflict. Those couples that fight in a disrespectful way are much more likely to have strained relationships and are much more likely to part.

By Patty Newbold

Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

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