CategoryHow to Find Third Alternatives

3 Ways to Find More Time Together


If you miss having time for fun together or time to talk, here are three quick ways to find more: Make plans in advance. Come up with something to look forward to or just block out the time for something spontaneous. Do in advance all the things that make it so hard to get out the door (or into the bedroom) for something unplanned. Question your givens. If your spouse is often available when your...

Why Can’t You See This My Way? – Part 3


In Part 3 of this series, I want to address a comment added to Part 1. I want to address it because I remember thinking like the commenter around a dozen years into my first marriage, and it kept me from fixing my marriage or even believing it could be fixed. Here’s the first part of the comment, which Matt wrote but so many others could have, too. Well, since this IS the assume love...

Why Can’t You See This My Way? – Part 2


This post is a continuation of Wednesday’s post, in which I asked what Janice should do next. She triggered an emotional outburst from her wife, Katy, with the question, “How much interest are we making on our savings account this year?” The Votes are In Here’s what you thought Janice’s best next move would be : 1 reader chose Defend her question as an innocent one...

Why Can’t You See This My Way? – Part 1


Janice asks, “How much interest are we making on our savings account this year?” It’s a simple question, but the reply from her partner of 13 years and now her wife could inadvertently start World War III. “I don’t recall. But why do you care? You asked me to handle our finances. I’m handling them. Are you supervising me now?” The question hit a real...

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How to Start a Discussion About a Change


“I want to do this a way that keeps you happy, but the current one isn’t working for me. Let’s brainstorm some other possibilities.” That is one very good way to start a discussion about something you want to change. For example, he likes to leave his chair where it lands when he leaves the table, but your “this is wrong” alarm goes off when he does. You might...

Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

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