I read about some interesting research recently that relates to Finding Third Alternatives. It showed just how much people like agreement and, even more, dislike impasse. Just labeling an option “Agreement” made people in a negotiating experiment more likely to choose it, even if it wasn’t their best option. But labeling an option “Impasse” had a bigger effect...
Today, someone shared with me that her #1 fear is this: I will risk my relationship with my fiancé to benefit my career — or that I will take tradeoffs in my career to benefit my fiancé’s career and be bitter later. So many of us have been trained well in techniques to help us choose between Thing 1 and Thing 2, which is fine when you’re by your lonesome. But once you are part...
This is part three of my mini-series that began on Sunday on how to tell if you’re correctly using my three favorite techniques for a happier marriage: Assume Love Expect Love Find Third Alternatives Today we look at Find Third Alternatives. This is a very handy technique when a disagreement puts you on the defensive or when you still want what you have decided you cannot really expect your...
A while back, a reader asked for some perspectives on her sex life with her husband. Not exactly my area of expertise, I thought, but as I read her story, I realized it wasn’t sex that was the problem. Let me share her tale but preserve her privacy. She wrote: I was wondering what your opinion is on exploring sexually within marriage. I am interested in [some more adventurous practices]...
On Tuesday, I revealed a problem sent in by a reader and asked for suggestions from all of you. As she sees it, and I must agree, the problem is how they address their disagreements. Neither is happy with their approach. As an example of the sort of disagreements they are addressing, she offered one spouse asking the other not to interrupt when the other is speaking slowly. As it turns out, this...
