This, in a nutshell, is the Assume Love philosophy: put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others. In other words, don’t work on your relationship. Help yourself enjoy being married. What you do for your relationship when you enjoy it will never feel like work. Save your ideas for making your spouse a better husband or wife until you have fully opened yourself to receive the love...
At first read, a lot of folks think I must be daft to encourage anyone to Assume Love. It sounds like it would let a spouse just walk all over you. I am not the sort of person who lets anyone walk all over me. But I was, for my first 34 years, the sort who unknowingly walked around assuming a few things that robbed me of the great marriage I could have had. When my husband rather abruptly dropped...
If you Assume Love when upset by your mate and you Expect Love to show up in forms you never dreamed up, you will inevitably overlook one or two of your spouse’s failings. You won’t overlook crushing debt or being shoved or burned with a cigarette, but you might overlook an unkind word intended as an insult. You might overlook a missed anniversary or a failed promise to pick up your...
People have two big fears about marriage. The first is that they will trust their spouse and then be abandoned, whether literally or in other ways. Those other ways might include infidelity, overly long hours at work or with friends, or silent time in front of a TV or computer. They might also include failure to be supportive in the face of challenging in-laws or children. They worry even when...
When my son was little, he had a book I loved. It has a lot to do with assuming love. I just looked it up to give you the official title, which was Sherlock Hemlock and the Great Twiddlebug Mystery: or The Mystery of the Terrible Mess in My Friend’s Front Yard. Sherlock Hemlock, a Muppet detective, tried to deduce what had left behind birthday candles, crumpled wrapping paper, paper hats...
I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.
