When KT married Ben last year, she loved to get a call from him during her workday. She’d look forward to 5:30, when she’d arrive home to a big hug and a huge smile. With her new job, she can’t count on leaving as early. She’s often rushing to get out of the office, then racing through traffic only to get home closer to 6:00, when she gets only Ben’s icy greeting...
Almost all of us crave love. A few seem to get by without it, and a few more claim unconvincingly to do without, but most of us will twist ourselves into knots to be loved. Married folks who don’t feel loved enough can really feel deprived. I’ve noticed that when we crave more love from a spouse, we have only three choices. The first one many of us try is what I’d call foot...
Here’s how you Assume Love. Consider doing it every time your spouse does something or fails to do something and you feel anger, resentment, hurt, fear, shame, frustration, or superiority taking hold of your emotions: Assume you are completely loved by a wonderful person. Attempt to explain how such a person might come to do what just happened. If you can think of one or more explanations...
You Assume Love when you take a second look at what your spouse or life partner does as if you are well-loved. You Pretend Love when you act as if you’re loved even though you don’t believe it. When you Assume Love, you give yourself the chance to receive more love by looking beyond your instantaneous, gut-level reactions to events. You pay attention to what you know to be true. You...
I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.
