Most relationship research, therapy, and coaching focuses on how to give love. It assumes if we give more love, more respect, more kind words, more of our undivided attention, more help, more nurturing, we will receive more in return. For most couples, this is true. However, giving more to get more can feel like work, hence the common wisdom that a good marriage requires hard work. Giving more...
Many men and women report that they miss the spontaneity of their dating years and even the early years of their marriages. But when they look for an explanation, they often come to the conclusion their spouse has changed or perhaps was faking an interest in spontaneity back then. When they assume love, they can see another possibility.
Folks often advise us to assume nothing. Take nothing for granted. Keep your mind open. Prepare for every possibility. Don’t be disappointed when things don’t go the way you think they should go. Good advice. Except that life would be darn difficult without any assumptions. We’d need to be constantly on guard against danger if we couldn’t assume what looks like a chair...
If your wife treats you like part of the furniture or can’t stop telling you how to earn more money, if your husband drives you nuts with his insensitive comments or misplaced laundry, it’s time to round up the usual suspects.
My advice to Assume Love applies only in a marriage or another relationship in which both partners have made a commitment to the longevity of the relationship. Until then, it might be wise to Assume the Worst. When you assume love, you deliberately seek out evidence of your mate’s love for you. Any actions with an ambiguous cause you can safely attribute to love because you have a partner...
