CategoryHow to Assume Love

The “Isn’t My Spouse Awful” Game?

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Before I started assuming love, I engaged in the very popular “Isn’t my spouse awful?” game, as both instigator and player. To get it started, you ask your sister or people at work, or maybe even the stranger seated next to you on the bus, to confirm that there’s something terribly wrong with your spouse. You plead with them to agree that you’ve married someone...

When Will You Be Home?

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When KT married Ben last year, she loved to get a call from him during her workday. She’d look forward to 5:30, when she’d arrive home to a big hug and a huge smile. With her new job, she can’t count on leaving as early. She’s often rushing to get out of the office, then racing through traffic only to get home closer to 6:00, when she gets only Ben’s icy greeting...

Three Approaches to Feeling More Loved

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Almost all of us crave love. A few seem to get by without it, and a few more claim unconvincingly to do without, but most of us will twist ourselves into knots to be loved. Married folks who don’t feel loved enough can really feel deprived. I’ve noticed that when we crave more love from a spouse, we have only three choices. The first one many of us try is what I’d call foot...

Four Steps to Assume Love

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Here’s how you Assume Love. Consider doing it every time your spouse does something or fails to do something and you feel anger, resentment, hurt, fear, shame, frustration, or superiority taking hold of your emotions: Assume you are completely loved by a wonderful person. Attempt to explain how such a person might come to do what just happened. If you can think of one or more explanations...

For marriage book reviews and books by Patty Newbold, the author of Assume Love, visit:
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Don’t Pretend Love

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You Assume Love when you take a second look at what your spouse or life partner does as if you are well-loved. You Pretend Love when you act as if you’re loved even though you don’t believe it. When you Assume Love, you give yourself the chance to receive more love by looking beyond your instantaneous, gut-level reactions to events. You pay attention to what you know to be true. You...

Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

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