Many men and women report that they miss the spontaneity of their dating years and even the early years of their marriages. But when they look for an explanation, they often come to the conclusion their spouse has changed or perhaps was faking an interest in spontaneity back then. When they assume love, they can see another possibility.
If your fun-loving, spontaneous spouse hasn’t mysteriously changed personalities and still loves you and wants to have fun with you, what’s a reasonable explanation for the lack of spontaneity in your marriage?
Spontaneity must always be balanced against responsibility. Responsibility grows as you have kids and move up at work or in volunteering. Finding time for a spontaneous movie, night out, or trip grows more difficult every year. Finding the same time in both of your schedules seldom happens. And then it becomes frustrating even to ask.
How do you get the fun back? Schedule it. Set aside time each week (for the little outings) and each month (for the big ones). Anything that needs doing during those periods will have to be done by someone else. You two are under no requirement to do anything in particular during these times, only to make yourself available at the drop of a hat when one of you proposes something fun.