A good life includes frequent periods of what Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi calls flow. One goal. Each step just slightly more than you were capable of yesterday. No awareness of time or even emotions. No distraction from other goals. Just you, fully engaged in art, music, sport, sex, troubleshooting, analyzing, creating.
Overwhelm happens when the goal requires a lot more than you are currently capable of, when time is staring you in the face, when emotions are hindering you ability to shut out other goals or even prioritize among them.
It’s like a wave of water knocking you down. You panic. You hope someone will get the water off you, an illogical idea but an overpowering one. That’s overwhelm.
If you’re very lucky, you have a spouse with the skill and the capacity to lift your head above the water. Otherwise, you have a spouse who can’t swim standing at the shoreline, or an equally overwhelmed spouse grabbing onto anything to float, either of them willing you to lift your head while they try to control the panic of watching a loved one drown.
If you find yourself in overwhelm and thinking, “If you loved me, you’d handle some of this for me,” please know that convincing yourself you’re unloved is the least helpful move to stop the overwhelm.
Drop the goals that are pulling you under. Let go of the constraints that keeping you from reaching even one of the goals. And hold dear to love, even love that cannot always stop your fear, your pain, or your helplessness. Even a cheerleader can be a lifesaver. Don’t pull your wife or husband under with you. Let go and swim for the surface.
