What I Believe About Marriage and How to Enjoy It
I've been blogging for quite a while now, since Valentine's Day of 2006. If you're new to this blog, the Assume Love Archives must seem a bit overwhelming. So let me try to sum up the basics for you.
First, I write about marriage and committed life partnerships, not about relationships in general. I write for people with a mutual and public commitment to love each other, an intention backed by one's personal integrity. If you're with someone for as long as you both feel love for each other, you may find some of my approaches counterproductive, even when the problems you face are similar to those faced by committed life partners.
Second, I think communication and compromise are highly overrated as techniques for improving your marriage. Save compromise for a last-ditch solution to your unresolvable differences. No one enjoys compromising, and it's seldom necessary. If you had no complaints about communications while you were falling in love, you can expect good communication to return as you enjoy being married more.
Third, I think marriage is for love. You can earn your own money. You can pay or barter with other people to do your household chores and yard work, watch and teach your kids, travel with you, support you in your new endeavors, or listen to you. You may want a life partner to provide these, but you don't need one. Love is different. If you push love away while waiting for help with your taxes or a clean floor, you cannot easily replace it.
Fourth, if you want to enjoy being married, I believe you will should master these three key techniques:
- Assume Love When someone vows to love you, there is a good chance your distress comes from a misunderstanding. Check it out before you retaliate or pout.
- Expect Love If you're expecting something else, you will overlook it when it's offered or convince your life partner not to offer so much.
- Find Third Alternatives Don't get stuck on the first two that come to mind if you disagree about them. Marriage is not a contest. The only way to win is by making sure your spouse wins.
And fifth, I respect whatever religious beliefs about marriage you hold, but I won't be bringing any of mine to this blog or to my teleclasses.