Did You Marry the Wrong Person?

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During an unhappy stretch in a marriage or life partnership, you may wonder if you chose the wrong person.
You Probably Chose the Wrong Person If:

  • Your mate is vicious
  • His or her morals require that you ignore your own
  • He or she cannot find the strength to fight or seek treatment for long-lasting or life-threatening depression, mania, addiction, hallucinations, or other physical or mental diseases that negatively affect you
  • You are with someone who treats you in ways others would protect you from if they knew

You Very Likely Chose Someone You Can Have a Happy Life With If:

  • He or she supports your dreams but will not join you in the hard work of achieving them
  • Your mate is generous and loyal instead of optimistic and able to set a goal and reach it
  • He or she says all the wrong things but takes good care of you by being helpful and giving of his or her time
  • You found someone highly creative and always happy but useless as a team member and unable to read other people well
  • Your mate won’t ask for a raise but will cheer you up when you’re down and help you see the beautiful side of life when you lose track of it

If you’re feeling helpless right now in the second group, the trick is to focus yourself on noticing the good stuff and ask yourself how you would get the missing stuff if you were alone and on your own. Let go of your expectations that are not working for you. Instead, Expect Love. There is usually plenty of it in these marriages, and the unmet expectations block it out.

About the author

Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

3 Comments

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  • Really enjoyed this post Patty. It must be a human tendency to focus on what do not have rather than what we already do. Perhaps it is often the difference between being content or discontent. Changing our expectations does not always mean we are lowering the bar either. It can mean we are just a bit wiser.

  • I am ROFL, Patty!
    Clearly, you have been reviewing videotapes of the first 20 years of my marriage and have totally pegged (how I used to perceive) my husband!
    SO true that my storms of disappointment blotted out the sun of love for far too long… (that’s an awful pair of metaphors, but you know what I mean!)

By Patty Newbold

Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

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