From a recent comment on What Should You Expect from a Husband or Wife?:
I do try to assume love, but what do you do when your husband’s idea of “helping” is only doing what he feels like doing? I wind up spending hours and hours on housework, cooking, laundry, etc. Plus working full time. He hangs out and maybe does the dishes once a month. If your spouse is not interested in being an equal or even some kind of partner, what do you do?
Once upon a time, I thought you should “fight for your rights.” Then I suddenly had the fair deal I thought I wanted. My husband dropped dead at age 35. And then I had to do what I am going to tell her to do right now before it’s too late.
You have too many chores. They leave you no time for love. More importantly, they leave no room in your heart for love. Who knows how much longer love will be an option for you? Don’t blow this.
The chores do not go away when the husband does. All that goes away is money: some of it to the lawyers, some of it to provide a second home and its furnishings, some of it to provide the recreation you deny yourselves now but will feel entitled to once single, some of it to duplicate whatever your kids will need if you shuttle them between homes, some of it to caretakers for your parents as they age, because you will have no time for them.
Clean less. If you cannot stand to clean less, get a smaller place. Cook less often. Make large batches of food and freeze them, or buy prepared food.
Work fewer hours. Put some elbow grease into finding a job that pays as much for 30 hours a week as yours does for 50. And make it closer to home, to cut out the commuting time and expense.
Work more hours. If you can make enough in four hours to buy eight hours of help with the chores, you just gained four hours for love.
Send your laundry out. Or stop buying any clothes that must be folded as soon as they dry. Buy more underwear, so you can go longer between loads.
Order your groceries over the internet and have them delivered or ready for pickup. Pay someone to do your taxes. Put your bills on auto-pay. Get a larger trash can, or a less smelly one.
And buy a lot of paper plates.
If equality is a big issue for you, be your husband’s equal instead of demanding he be your equal. If you were away on a trip for a month, how many of those chores would he consider necessary enough to do? All the rest are making your relationship unequal only because you added them onto the list. Take them off.
Having an equal household partner is not nearly as satisfying as having a loving partner. But why not have both? Offer a room in your home to a college student in exchange for half the chores. You may lose a little privacy and storage space, but half your non-working time will be freed up for dancing, movies, love letter writing, new hobbies, watching your old videos, and silly stuff with your man.
If you get rid of some of what keeps you feeling overworked and find you don’t enjoy spending the extra time loving the man you chose as your husband and letting him love you, then you can think about divorce. And you’ll be well ahead of the game for having already cut back on all the chores a single woman needs to do.