3 Things to Remember When Marriage Seems Hard

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Think there’s something terribly wrong with your non-abusive marriage? Change that thought before it ruins a perfectly good day.

  1. Divorce does not magically make money troubles go away. In fact, it usually increases your total expenses and makes it harder to earn what you earn. Marriage counseling also costs money and doesn’t make more for you. And you don’t need to divorce to stop enabling a spouse with an addiction to spending or gambling money you earn. If you’ve got a money problem, it’s not a marriage problem.
  2. Developing any one strength means developing less of another strength. If your spouse has too little of some strength you value (sustaining a loving relationship, courage, integrity, creativity, optimism, perseverance, modesty, teamwork, gratitude, generosity, whatever), there’s another strength you’re not noticing. Use your own strengths to give yourself whatever is missing and enjoy what you’re getting.
  3. Neither sex nor conversation become more enticing when you talk about their absence. Change the timing. Change the subject. Change the foreplay. Change the setting. You’re the one with the motivation, which makes you the perfect choice to start the change.

About the author

Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

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  • Temper tantrums don’t need to be dealt with in anyone old enough to avoid putting themselves in harm’s way while having one. Those who never learned self-soothing as toddlers can figure it out when left alone to deal with their distress. Those who rediscovered tantrums later in life stop pretty quickly when their tantrums no longer give them the attention or control they seek. Be calm and disinterested during the tantrum, kind and compassionate after it ends.
    If the tantrums come with believable threats of harm to you, your spouse, or anyone else, get professional help to prevent any harm and to treat the underlying cause of your spouse’s psychological problem. Don’t ignore such behavior.

  • Wow, what a profound distinction in the statement that ‘Money problems are not Marriage problems’. Kind of like noses, everyone’s got one. And second of all, the observation that sex or conversation lack does not improve by whomping on them like a one string guitar. Most of this boils down to what you are grateful for… Great Post.

  • Yes, divorce is not everything you need when it seems no way out for you marriage problems. Keep fighting and get the Solutions.

By Patty Newbold

Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

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