Love Overlooked

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Until a crisis erupts, it’s pretty easy to overlook many of the ways your spouse or life partner shows love for you. Pay attention to them now, and the crisis may never erupt. Which of these have you been receiving without noticing them?

  • Trust for your driving, your fidelity while away from home, your care of the kids
  • Respect when talking about you to others, asking your advice, relying on you
  • Encouragement when you feel uncertain of your abilities
  • Congratulations on your successes
  • Affectionate words
  • Hugs and kisses
  • Attentive sex
  • Compliments
  • Unexpected gifts
  • Unexpected favors
  • Help with a difficult task
  • Conversations in which you learn or think or smile
  • Humor to brighten your day
  • Playfulness
  • Time spent together
  • Planning fun activities
  • Handling social expectations you don’t want to handle
  • Brainstorming with you
  • Cooking or cleaning
  • Showing up at a job he or she does not love
  • Doing what it takes to increase your household income
  • Support through an illness or rehab
  • Learning something that matters to you
  • Enticing you to become more curious
  • Expressing gratitude
  • Making things for you
  • Encouraging your self-improvement efforts
  • Loving your children
  • Putting things away so you won’t have to
  • Making your home look and feel calmer or cheerier

When we pay attention to the ones we are not receiving, we are less happy and vulnerable to seduction by others and by our vices. When we pay attention to the ones we do receive, our gratitude increases our day-to-day happiness and the strength of our bond to the person we pledged to love.

About the author

Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

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By Patty Newbold

Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

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