From Furious to Deeply in Love

F

I received a wonderful email this morning from a new reader. She had reached out on Tuesday for help with a situation that infuriated her. Things had gone from bad to awful in the course of a couple hours. She sounded very doubtful whether she could bear a lifetime with her man.
I explained how to Assume Love. And how to avoid pretending she felt loved when she did not.
Today, she wrote, “Aha, aha, aha! I get it.” And she did.
I know, because her email today included something I have heard many times from those who get it.
“I couldn’t wait to see him when he came home last night.”
Fed up and furious with her guy on Tuesday, deeply in love 24 hours later. Without even talking about it.
Why? Because you have to care an awful lot about someone to find a disagreement over what’s for dinner that infuriating.
Fury distorts what you see and drives what you do. It’s contagious, too. But you can stop it long enough to get a clearer picture when you Assume Love. If the clear picture is as bad as the original one, you are free to return to your fury. You need not accept meanness or cruelty from someone you live with.
But the real picture is often very different. And it is a very quick trip back to feeling the depth of your love, because it was always there.

About the author

Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

3 Comments

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  • One sentence just grabbed my attention…”And how to avoid pretending she felt loved when she did not.” Can you go into more detail on this?? I would love to hear it discussed further 🙂

  • My husband and I have been married for sixty-three years, five months, and twenty-five days.
    You are exactly right. Total fury can be replaced by being so insanely in love that you can hardly stand it.
    We have experienced what your reader did many times.
    You go, Fury! You’re the other side of Love.

Patty Newbold

I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.

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